– Why Disappointment Hurts So Badly in Marriage Counseling in Nashville, TN

Last Updated on May 4, 2023 by Chris Roberts

WHY DISAPPOINTMENT HURTS SO BADLY IN MARRIAGE COUNSELING IN NASHVILLE TN

We all hate disappointment…whether we know it or not. I imagine most people would agree that disappointment is an annoying part of life and no one would say that disappointment is an enjoyable feeling. However, I believe that people hate disappointment. I believe that the fear of being disappointed drives so many of the decisions we make on a daily basis. Disappointment cuts to the core. Disappointment proves we are not in control and that we can be hurt by those we love and that our expectations always have the possibility of letting us down.

Marriage counseling in Nashville, TN is based on the premise of hope. Whether you are seeking guidance because you are going through a divorce, or you are giving everything you have to make your relationship work, we employ the aid of marriage counseling in Nashville, TN for the hope that we can have a better life: either married or divorced. We hope, and we cannot stop hoping. However, most of us don’t want to live in the idea of hope. I once heard someone say that a cynical person is one who refuses to be disappointed again. It’s such a simple thought and yet a profoundly disturbing thought. If we “refuse to be disappointed again,” we are inevitably saying that disappointment is too much to bear. We are saying that whatever we must sacrifice about life, we are willing to do it just so we don’t have to experience disappointment again.

USING DISAPPOINTMENT TO AVOID ANGER

I believe almost all anger comes from disappointment. When we are disappointed, we are confronted with the reality that our hope, our positivity, our dreams, certain possibilities about the future have qualitatively ended. To accept disappointment is to accept an ending. Most people hate endings. We react with anger, instead of embracing our disappointment, because we believe that a final surge of power and energy can turn the tides. Anger is rarely effective in changing the outcome of events and usually makes things worse. But the part about making things worse is much the point about anger. We (subconsciously) believe that if we can distract ourselves with something worse than disappointment, then we will feel better. Unfortunately that is usually true…at least for the short term. Anger is a great way to avoid feeling the depths of disappointment.

HOW DISAPPOINTMENT AFFECTS MARRIAGE COUNSELING IN NASHVILLE, TN

Disappointment acknowledges what once lived in our minds or in the real world is over and we have to adjust our way of living. Oftentimes when we enter conflict with our spouse, we are unwilling to accept the disappointment of the event, and instead look for ways to blame and agitate and argue. We usually believe that if we can make the disappointment someone’s fault (even our own), then it won’t hurt as badly. Think about how many fights you have had with your spouse and how often you believed that if you could just find a specific fault, then the pain wouldn’t be as bad. It’s sobering to think in those terms.

There are so many disappointments in everyday life. The thought of going to the park with your family and enjoying time playing, eating, and relaxing, but instead it’s boiling hot, your child keeps crying, and you forgot to bring drinks. All of the sudden, this relaxing, fun, family bonding time feels more punishment for some previous crime. The disappointment is excruciating. But we typically don’t talk about events like these as “disappointing.” We describe these events as, “the idiot who forgot the drinks,” or “the stupid weatherman who got the forecast wrong,” or “the disobedient child who ruins everything.” We HATE disappointment, and we will do anything to avoid accepting its terms.

In order to have a healthy marriage, we must have a healthy understanding of disappointment and its effect on our everyday lives. Disappointment is pervasive, but our handling of it doesn’t have to be devastating. If you notice your marriage has trouble dealing with disappointment, then making an appointment for marriage counseling in Nashville, TN could be helpful. Chris Roberts is an experienced Nashville marriage counselor who has worked with many couples around the experience of disappointment.