– How to Become a Good Husband

Last Updated on May 15, 2018 by Chris Roberts

WHEN POP CULTURE AND MARRIAGE COUNSELING INTERSECT

References “5 Unusual Ways Men Learn to be Good Husbands.” Online article By Redbook. Get Happy Now. Tue. Oct. 1, 2013.

It is not often that marriage therapists turn to pop culture psychology for insight into helping marriages become stronger.  But the point of pop culture psychology is that is appeals to and is better understood by the masses.  Often, this genre of psychology is overlooked by marriage counselors, but it doesn’t mean that the advice stated is necessarily incorrect or inaccurate.  In this great article entitled, “5 Unusual Ways Men Learn to be Good Husbands,” there are some very practical and helpful hints for keeping love alive after many years of matrimony.

The author’s first piece of advice is, “Work with what you’ve got (source: MacGyver).”  Marriage counseling could use a lot more of this technique.  For men especially, and those women who loved MacGyver’s curly, flowing locks, MacGyver always carried the answer to any sticky situation with a roll of duct tape and a pocket knife.  The brilliance of the show was in it’s nuanced manner of creating the same arc of storyline every week, but with a magical twist as to how MacGyver defied the antagonist with his non-violent and ho-hum manner.

Although marriage therapy is not so ho-hum, most marriages tend to fall into this place after so many years of being together.  The most important part of this statement however, is that ho-hum marriage does NOT equal bad marriage.  There is inherent in any long term, committed relationship a ritualistic stability that enables two people and a family to function in a healthy and stable manner.  The ho-hum nature of a marriage is not the problem.  The problem is an expectancy that things will always and forever be fresh, and new, and titillating.

Marriage counseling does not always mean a complete reorganization and redistribution of resources and time and effort.  Sometimes, marriage therapy can look more like marital coaching by helping partners learn to evaluate the resources they already have and find new or different or quirky ways to enjoy them.  The author writes, “We may not have as much as we want, but we can turn a $30 gift card to Outback Steakhouse into a romantic night on the town.”

Oftentimes, the underlying core struggles encountered in marital therapy is not “We don’t have enough money,” or “We don’t have enough time,” but more so, “We are no longer creative and imaginative in our play with each other.”  Think back to when you and your spouse were dating.  Maybe you had a lot of money, maybe you didn’t, but more than likely, that didn’t matter.  What mattered almost entirely was HOW you created fun with the things you had.  The author’s third piece of advice is, “Get busy in the kitchen (source: Jamie Oliver cookbooks).”  Obviously, the kitchen may not be the place where you and your spouse have ever enjoyed each other, but the message is the same: Find something you both enjoy and play with it.  The author notes, “Cooking together after work is a million times better than unwinding on the internet.  You’re sharing a steamy space and you wind up with food.  I’ve got everything I need right here, thanks.”

The best marriage therapists in Nashville can use simple advice like this and help couples take it to a more fundamental level of their anticipated connection.  If you and your spouse are not connecting the way you want, please feel free to give Chris Roberts a call at Two Trees Counseling Nashville to see if Chris can be of help for you and your marriage.